Best Laid Plans


They say timing is everything. They also say patience is a virtue. They’re right. Dating is tough. Dating in New York is mission impossible. We who reside here and have come to call this place home, are the most impatient people on the planet. Whether or not you were born and raised, or have just lived here for a summer, we expect everything to happen quickly. Then we begin to think if we’re not living in a state of hustle and bustle, we’re not being New Yorkers. Let me tell you: my best friends and I are the real deal New Yorkers, born, raised, and have spent over 30 years of our lives here. They are more “New York” than me and they’ve gotten the hell out of here. Defining New Yorker is a whole nother story. The point is: are we creating social chaos for ourselves because we live here? And is that chaos and its mentality, getting in the way of the thing we want the most?

I’ve seen the Australian two more times, which is pretty intense considering we only met a week and a half ago. It’s quite simple: we like each other, have a good time together, and she has an air about her that I dig. I would say something about chemistry, but I get along with everyone in early stages – I can make chemistry happen. It’s in the later stages when things fall apart. She has one of those bustling schedules. We’ve had dinner twice again, but there’s always an impromptu air about them. The second date, we made plans for dinner since the first one had a few snafus. She didn’t feel well, asked to make dinner tentative, and scaled down to drinks. We ended up having dinner exactly as planned, except I had to cancel the reservation and was slightly thrown off. That night ended with a soft kiss on the lips. For the third date, we made plans to spend the day together, but a few days before, she cancelled because she had other things to do all weekend. We ended up meeting up after a work function. We had a drink, then went to grab a bite. At her door, we had a make-out session and I suggested meeting up again pretty quickly to which she hasn’t necessarily confirmed. Most likely we’ll meet up, but I won’t have anything planned. The problem here is that I like to plan and prepare a good time out. A guy likes to sweep a girl off her feet. We’ve had very basic dates, which is fine because it’s cheaper for me. I’m not reading into the nonchalant attitude she possibly has regarding plans yet. It’s a loss for both of us. And further, I think the more I invest of myself in terms of time and thought, the more I am invested in the potential of that relationship.

Meanwhile, the nurse texted me back from a message I sent after the Australian canceled our day trip. Was it retaliatory? Yes. When you get canceled on, a feeling of rejection hits you and you act impulsively. Even though I’m very focused on dating one girl at a time, I don’t feel this one has run its course to completion. And for someone who I liked as much as her – one who I saw so much potential with, I wanted that wrapped up in a neat bow. To update: we both have told each other we really like each other already. Her problem is she has no idea what’s going on in her life and is not ready to date. She tried with me and was pretty hard to deal with (just in communicating and planning). She’s still reeling from a break-up she initiated in October, has been living at home with her parents, and apparently is considering moving. We wanted to see each other, so we made plans. I didn’t know what to expect, but whatever is between us would probably take over that night. The one thing I wanted to do was give her a book.

I bought her Tiny Beautiful Things to help her make sense of her own life through the crazy things that happen to other people. But there were also things I wanted to say. On our first date, she talked about not knowing what she’s doing next, the things that may make her stay – maybe some guy. I basically tell her I’m that guy in my note. It’s subtle. Nothing crazy, but it’s a clear gesture. The gift is still in my briefcase unwrapped. On the day of our date, she canceled because her dog had an emergency visit to the vet. She tried to push our date back for the following week, but I couldn’t make any commitments because of work.

In romance, I think there are these brief fleeting moments. They are ours to take when they arise. The problem with is that we’re often so caught up in our own lives – the life where we, our friends, and careers are at the center – that we never create the situations where these fleeting moments spark to life.

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