The last time I hung out with the nurse, she revealed a glimpse into the uncertainty she’s been feeling. The focus of these emotions was not about her recent break-up, but it seemed to be the catalyst for a reassessment of the path she is walking. I have been going through a similar thing and it was in this moment that it dawned on me. Maybe now is not the time to find this relationship either.
At work, I recently had my review and it was fine. My team embarked on a Super Bowl campaign and as clients, executives, and colleagues raved about it, I just sat there thinking: I hate this shit. I need more out of work. I also need a higher earning potential. Fortunately, a career shift can easily happen from where I am and I just need to refine an existing skill set that is not overly crowded. Thus, my attentions will focus more on this transition, particularly an intensive 10-week class. Dating will be less of a priority.
I’ve sent my last message to the MILF. Coincidentally, she and the nurse have the same birthday. She shared a gift to herself that she worked on, which was a music video to Tila Tequila’s “I Love U.” This is a terrible song and I can’t believe she chose it, but even worse is the video about being single and the barrage of scenes that lend insight into the challenges of modern day dating. It largely focuses on the fallacy of the Disney fairy tale, but also confesses that women (including herself) are crazy. I believe she is now going to focus less on her blog, less on her erotic vampire fiction, and turn to webisodes about dating. Personally for me, she is too all over the place. I’m sure she’s a great mother, but she’s adding aspiring video producer to aspiring writer and aspiring sadomasochist. On a shallow level, she’s got more jelly than I care for and even the prospect of what sounds like intense mind-blowing sex is not enough for me to stay on the roller coaster.
I wrote back: “That’s some video you’ve got there…”
She responded: “I’m glad you liked it!”
It’ll be interesting to see her continued creative output. She seems to move from one thing to another, but doesn’t stick to it long enough to actually meet her aspirations to make it on a professional level. Either that or she is a bit out of touch with reality. It’s a shame because she does have vision and talent, not just enough self-criticism to strive for a higher level.
We are overwhelmed with messages. Stories in film and literature hint that you and your partner make one, a whole. Don’t fall for Jerry Maguire’s line “you complete me.” You complete you. In my ideal relationship, I hope to give of myself. I don’t need to be completed. I want to give some of me and take some of you. Like the MILF, we all have something great to share. But the question that the nurse poses is: are we ready to share? The uncertainties and lack of satisfaction in other areas of our lives will pervade our personal lives. Because when you share, you give it all. Make sure you’re whole when you do, otherwise you find yourself with nothing.